Newsquest Media Group: the 2nd largest regional media group in the UK …so one would think that it shouldn’t be hard to find 7 football players of some reasonable standard.  Our scout reckons that this team could be the dark horse of the competition, hiding behind humour and nonchalance, there was a distinct buzz in the air and it wasn’t the photocopier.

Are the Newsquest boys as passionate about the beautiful game as they are about delivering to their 4,000+ advertisers?

1. What famous or professional team are you most reminiscent of?

You know those charity matches where they get old legends of the game to show they still have it, well……we’re nothing like that.  Our MD (Chris White-Smith) and Head of Sales (Graham Ellis) would like to think we are like Stoke City but surely that means we are just awful players, that rely on our quarter back and lump it forward but on a positive note get the job done.

2. What’s your team’s celebratory drink?

We tend to drink whatever the hospital recommends when we collapse not only from exhaustion but surprise if we actually win.

3. The score’s tied and there are 2 minutes left, what’s your plan?

Play boring and dirty – soak up the pressure and get a break away goal leaving no time for a reply, using our secret weapon – the fat cat.

4. Apart from entering The Media Sales Cup, why does your company rock?

Because we have a very famous ex band member of the Filth.

5. Describe your fans and how they’ll show their support:

They are invisible and will show their support through silence.  As our other fan couldn’t make it as his dog was sick.

6. Player to watch and why?

We all are highly entertaining in a comical sense.  But look out for Crazy Legs Blake Seabrook – if he turns up.  He reckons he can bang goals in for fun – we’ll see and hope it does – but won’t be sticking around to listen to his annoying voice describing his goal.

A solid team last year, but with shaky luck on the day, losing in the Plate final to BBC Magazines – their battle cry was “Remember the Titans!” – will they perform more memorably this year?

1. What did you learn from last year’s tournament that will help you this year?

That asking ringers from other companies to play is a far better strategy than pressurising maybes from here!

2. What’s your team’s celebratory drink?

Champagne out of the cup

3. The score’s tied and there are 2 minutes left, what’s your plan?

[captain] Take myself off and shout loudly at the rest to work harder

4. Apart from entering The Media Sales Cup, why does your company rock?

One word, posters.

5. Describe your fans and how they’ll show their support:

Supportive emails on a Friday explaining their absence

6. Player to watch and why?

One of our ringers… Farhan “coming atcha” Cachra.  Pace, power and a smile that turns any man.

New to this year’s tournament are the self-professed Yahooligans from Yahoo! – confident and courageous it seems – is this an indication of their talent or is it simply because they’ve not met the competition before?

Four of the squad kindly took the time to answer our questions to give you a full picture of what they’re all about…

1. What’s your team’s celebratory drink?

• Snake bite boat race
• Sambuca
• Cassis – Purple and fruity (little like Rich Curtis after a few hours in the sun)
• Absinthe

2. The score’s tied and there are 2 minutes left, what’s your plan?

• Kick lumps out of the opposition
• All out attack!
• Play for the draw. Keep the point in the bag. (or swap the keeper for a striker – in the words of the great Dave Benson Phillips – Run the Risk)
• Fire at will

3. Apart from entering The Media Sales Cup, why does your company rock?

• Great canteen and free soft drinks 24/7!
• We love lamp!
• hmmmm
• Yahooligans in and outside of work.

4. Describe your fans and how they’ll show their support:

• I have an oscillating fan on my desk- it will probably support me by moving from side to side and keeping me cool during the summer months
• All women, pole dance…
• Streakers.  Men, Women and Engineers.
• By playing football drinking games at the side of the pitch…. “Treasure to Padmore… DRINK!”

5. Player to watch and why?

• Me (Lorcan McCoy).  I play prison rules
• Dan Moggs (he will be wearing a mask to protest his fragile face), can’t see him as a footballer, it is going to be hilarious!
• Matt Treasure. The name says it all.
• Richard Curtis… if his performance is anything like the team he supports then viewing should be hilarious

1. What’s your team’s celebratory drink?

Dom Pérignon 1993 vintage

2. The score’s tied and there are 2 minutes left, what’s your plan?

Celebrate that we are still drawing with 2 minutes remaining.

3. Apart from entering The Media Sales Cup, why does your company rock?

The company is growing at a rapid pace and we all work together to ensure that our green credentials and high standards are met. Today we are the industry leader in environmental, charity and membership magazines.

4. Describe your fans and how they’ll show their support:

Distinctly average. They will probably support the team we are playing.

5. Player to watch and why?

Tom ‘I’m amazing at everything I do’ Fountain because apparently he’s amazing at everything he does.  Apparently.

General team strategy?

All out attack. The dutch philosophy of “Total Football”.

Biggest goal threat (tactical or player)?

With our ensemble of attacking options, not seen since the 1990 AC Milan team, we have the tools to unlock the most miserly defence.

Team most reminiscent of?

AC Milan golden era of 1987 – 91

Favourite goal celebration?

With so many goals flying in, we simply do not have time to celebrate all of them.  A hearty pat on the back of the accredited goal scorer is customary, although all goals are a perfectly crafted team master piece.

Achilles heel?

Our modesty.

Gauntlet to other companies?

After the inevitable victory, we shall invariably toast our success.  We would like all teams to come along and applaud the best team in the tournament, us.

www.bbcmagazinesadvertising.com

BBC Magazines – a publishing powerhouse, but on the pitch…? We found out:

General team strategy?

Shock & Awe, Hearts & Minds

Biggest goal threat (tactical or player)?

Dickson Dean

Team most reminiscent of?

The A

Favourite goal celebration?

The Charlie George

Achilles heel?

Booze & Women………..Booze

www.timesonline.co.uk

Next to face our scout’s inquisition was the team from the Times Online. The scout reported a general youthful vigour combined with tons of self-belief, but will they live up to their own hype…?

General team strategy?

To punish those who dare to oppose our aim of world dominance in the glorified world of power league

Biggest goal threat (tactical or player)?

Sandro del Grosso – The Italian Stallion (and former Juventus youth team player)

Team most reminiscent of?

Russia – well organised and deadly

Favourite goal celebration?

Never scored so will let you know when it happens

Achilles heel?

Too skillful for our own good

Gauntlet to other teams?

May god have mercy, because we won’t…